I used to tell people I was iconoclastic. Mostly, I liked the sound of the word and knew it had something to do with being a rebel. Later, as an adult, I would describe myself as unorthodox. I felt this was a more accurate description of my personality. However, as I've aged into my 40s, I've taken to the descriptor, contrary. I put it on my social media profiles. I brag about it to my buddies. I joke with my bride and pastor (respectively, of course) about predicting my counter-cultural behavior. Now, I s’pose one would need be a word fiend like me to even care about the difference. Nuance, to me, is important in communication and I see lazy word usage around me every day. Below, I’ve included Google’s definitions of the three in question.
Iconoclastic: characterized by attack on cherished beliefs or institutions
In my youth, I embraced the James Dean-like, rebel-without-a-cause attitude that an iconoclast may have. The idea of going against the grain has always appealed to me, but I had no idea WHY. It seemed that I was rocking boats just to move. As I matured and understood more of why I was created, I was already involved in an unorthodox lifestyle. I had decided, instead of college, to apply to an itinerant theater ministry to perform for audiences, using drama to communicate. Much to my parents' initial dismay, I up and joined the circus. I spent eleven of my first adult years living in other folks’ homes as a professional guest, traveling from city to city, depending on the goodwill and generosity of others and the grace of God to get by and continue the tours. It was as unorthodox as you can get and I loved it. (Eventually, my mom and dad got on board, too.) I felt, during this era of my life, that unorthodox was the goal for me and I had achieved it. I was the bane of all conventional, “responsible” people and the hero to those who dreamed of travel and the unknown.
Unorthodox: contrary to what is usual, traditional, or accepted; not orthodox
Post traveling circus, I settled down in Oregon with my bride of nine years (at the time) and began to watermark myself in the “real workforce”. I had learned to fix cars, so I worked in a few shops before finding one that appealed to me. Soon, I found that, like in the traveling circus, I gravitated toward challenging, even provoking, the traditional, accepted ways of doing business. While this caused eventual shop-jumping in order to find a good fit, it also served to vulcanize my perspective and personality. I found I thrived on autonomy, like an independent contractor or hired gun. My father often said, “If everybody agrees with what you’re doing, you’re probably doing something wrong.” This perspective had become a life philosophy, as I was raised to know my identity and value in God by parents who were above average intelligence and confident in their decisions in the face of criticism. I had graduated to being contrary.
Contrary: perversely inclined to disagree or to do the opposite of what is expected or desired
Now, I think it’s important to point out that I would use a different word than “perversely” to define contrary. Willfully, intentionally, purposefully would all be acceptable replacements. I likely only want to replace it for face-saving purposes; nobody likes to be thought of as perverse… However, it is accurate to say that I feel this contrarianism is nearly compulsive, in my case, and I have practiced many years to edit my comments and use discerning behavior so as not to upset people who don’t like fighting. I like fighting. I like arguing the contrary opinion whether I agree or not. I like to use disagreement to discover people’s character (although, it’s not a foolproof method). It’s been said, “Opinions are like assholes. Everybody’s got one.” For this reason, we all place value on our opinions and, mostly, these opinions are not original thought. Most of the time, our opinions come from creative, mentally advanced people, whose ideas and philosophies we endorse. As Eclesiastes says, “There’s nothing new under the sun.” Yet, many of us usually take offense when someone disagrees with us because we value our opinions so highly. After all, it's our perspective, philosophy, belief system and doesn't everybody think this way?! I propose that this is the psychology of conventional wisdom.
Iconoclasm, unorthodoxy and contrarianism don’t exist without conventional wisdom. I define conventional wisdom as popular thought, philosophy, procedure, protocol and opinion that is endorsed by the majority of people. The recent passing of Don Shula caused me to read a bit about him. I was born in Indianapolis and am a fan of the Colts, and though his tenure as coach was before my fanhood and when they were in Baltimore, he put his mark on my favorite NFL franchise. He famously won two championships and ushered in the Marino era. I’ve heard his offensive approach was unconventional, spreading the receivers. He was contrary to the popular offensive concepts at the time and he won lots of games against more conventional teams. Bill Bilicheck also carries the reputation of being contrary to current NFL concepts and for 20 years has been dominant and the closest to Shula’s win record. These two, and many other people throughout history, have achieved success and accomplished their goals by being contrary to and, (metaphorically) thumbing their nose at, conventional wisdom. Wars have been won by fighting in contrary ways. Parents have obtained offspring obedience through contrary psychology. Some of us have the compulsion, the desire, the intentional purpose that is contrary.
My 14 y/o daughter has reached the iconoclast stage. Though she has none of my genes (we adopted our first two children), she is a lot like me. My 12 y/o son has significant intelligence and development handicaps due to in utero abuse causing him to personify unorthodoxy. He doesn’t seem to have the mental aptitude to know or conform to conventional wisdom, so he’s always trying to reinvent the wheel. My biological offspring is the 3 y/o girl, who, like all toddlers (I imagine), really doesn’t know anything yet. She’s just a little narcissist. It’s frustrating and upsetting to parent kids like me. 😬
Many of you reading, though, may be the conformers. You may be one who operates in conventional, proven wisdom. In order for things to work in this world, balance is necessary. I cannot gain anything by operating in a contrary manner if the majority does also. Contrary needs convention, orthodox, expected in order to fulfill its meaning. I guess what all of this is coming to is compassion. The sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. (Again, that's Google's definition.) As we all open up the country together, some of us will wear masks and gloves. Some of us will not. Some of us will observe the speed limit. Some of us will drive more selfishly. Some of us will limit our exposure. Some of us will go everywhere and do everything. Let's commit to recognizing the balance necessary to live together in a wise and healthy way. My unorthodox and challenged son may some day hold the key to a revolutionary idea that will benefit us all because his brain doesn't work like yours or mine, but, until then, he's gonna piss off a lot of people.
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